so its...

So I'm seeking safeness in this blog thing yes thats weird so what. Well today is new years and I'm spending it alone its 3:17am in the morning here. I was waiting for my parents to go on skype and my boyfriend and for some unexplainable reason I was denied both of them. The only time my host family and i spent together was watching a bit of TV cheering at 12am and then lighting off some fire works and watching the ones going off in town. Before that over half my host siblings disappeared to parties and friends houses, so then there was just me my younger host sister and my host parents and they were tired and she didn't really wanna hang out. you know so here i am spending time writing this for my chapel cause I'm lonely. Tonight i watched " My Sisters Keeper" its a really sad movie but it was done well, i loved it i was choked up through the whole thing. You know i don't want to be mad at my parents for not being on or my bf either they have lives to i mean after all i am a whole ocean away so i guess sometimes they just forget or something, idk. tonight was just the one night more then any other that i didn't wanna be alone, it makes me sad, You know the dumb thing is you'd think I'd go some place real because I'm sad but nope I'm here I feel that god listens to what i write on here for me my chapel really exists it may be more visual then real but still its were I turn. I have no where else to go. So maybe this whole thing is just me talking to god because i don't have anyone else right now, i just wanted someone to count on. What makes me most sad is sure i can stay online all night and chat with friends and write here but thats not hearing a person i know 's voice or seeing their face on skype, the feeling is all wrong, all different. This chapel is special to me, sure i have invited other friends and family but I'm the only one that write here, the only one that posts here, this chapel exists purely for me, I'm the one that enjoys it, takes time to enjoy it, it means the world to me. So I guess for tonight im just talkin to god theres nothing wrong with it and it helps when your lonely I can visualize his arms around me and feel his embrace and thats enough to relive a bit of the sadness. Im so glad I made this blog even though im the only one that reads it and writes it theres gonna be times when i just need a place to escape with my thoughts and ill come here ill pray and talk to god and think. This will be one of my sanctuaries, my online diary, its just for me now.
-Sossina