Why now? Why again? The tone he used was completely unecessary. I can't help it. Im naturally drawn to him. I want to be around him. Why do they need to attack my relationship. Why did my mom say that and my dad think that. They know everything. They're making it so hard on me. I've been nothing but honest with them. I think maybe my dad is having some doubts about tylers and mines relationship. GAH when will they realize that we arent typical. I cant believe he'd assume crap he doesnt even know if its true let alone imply it when he doesnt even know whats being said. :( and i wont invite tyler because I cant promise not to cling. i mean how fair is that. Am I supposed to treat him like a stranger? Hows that supposed to even work. Why am I always fighting someone about being with tyler? Why is someone always standing in the corner disapproving? Why? Dont they know I fight myself about it all the time. Im through the worst of it, but that doesnt mean that my logical mind hasnt stopped trying to reason things out for me. Im doing my best and trying to follow my heart. Maybe im getting to worked up about this and interpreting it all wrong but i dont know what to tell them about why we're constantly together. -sigh- I just dont. Dear God please help them understand even if they dont want too. please calm my anxious paranoid mind and let my heart be free to lead. If you cant help them understand, please help them have some sort of respect for me as a person, enough so that they can stay out of my relationship. Please help my dad keep his head on straight and know that I'm telling him the truth, please help him recognize that I can't stop being who I am with tyler just because he doesnt like it. I'm still learning to find my balance. But he wont have to worry about us as much during the school year. Please help my sister think before she speaks and help her know that what she says when she doesnt think, hurts my feelings. God, I'm trying to balance things and be a good person but please help them understand that this is one part of my life that I want to be able to live without everyone voicing their opinion and looking over my shoulder.
Love,
Your cerulean daughter Sossina
Friday, August 26, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Well God...
Well God,
I just don't know how to say it, I dont know how to not feel what I'm feeling. I want them to understand that I'm growing up I'm not that little girl any more, going off to catch the next bug. Yea I miss those days sometimes, thats just honesty. I want to be home, I dont care if its us playing games or gardening or going to the pool for a swim, I just want to be home. I've been gone alot in the last 2 years. I just want to be here. And you know I'll admit, Tyler has a ton to do with that. I did not have an idea what a good relationship was until I met and started dating Tyler. Hes made such a huge impact. I fought my past demons and my over protective mind just to be with him. And the amazing thing is, is he's stuck it out and he's sticking it out and there's only one possible reason why he'd do that, because he loves me, because you finally put someone in my life that loves me. Not all the extra little pluses, not my body, or my lips, but loves me as a real person, on the inside. I know that theres a really strong connection between the two of us and I really do think that he's my soulmate. I just feel it and I feel you in our relationship. I know that the moment I stopped looking, the moment I turned back to you for real and asked for your healing and for you just to hold your daughter, thats when you decided that I deserved someone more. I know this and I feel blessed. I know that it's not easy. I know real love isnt easy. People I think are friends test me all the time and it upsets me. But one of the greatest gifts you've give to Tyler and I as a couple is the gift to work problems out and to stand together and we do just like we should. I think Tyler and I should pray together, real prayer to you. I'm really really glad that your love God is the base of our relationship, I really am because your love is different then conjured up love. Your love is forever. You live in both of us our love is your love. I really do want the world to understand that their judgments arent going to stop us. I want them to know that Tyler and mines relationship singularly is unique and one of a kind. That they can't predict it and that we will not become one of their self fulfilling prophecy's. And news flash I dont want him(my godfather) to try and understand and give advice. He hasnt been there for me. I dont need his approval for anything. He doesnt realize he's hurt anyone. But he's hurt me. See how random this is :( I cant recall being this upset ever. I'm just frustrated in a very large dose. God give my guidance please with a cherry on top and help ease my suffering soul.
Love,
your cerulean daughter,
Sossina
your
I just don't know how to say it, I dont know how to not feel what I'm feeling. I want them to understand that I'm growing up I'm not that little girl any more, going off to catch the next bug. Yea I miss those days sometimes, thats just honesty. I want to be home, I dont care if its us playing games or gardening or going to the pool for a swim, I just want to be home. I've been gone alot in the last 2 years. I just want to be here. And you know I'll admit, Tyler has a ton to do with that. I did not have an idea what a good relationship was until I met and started dating Tyler. Hes made such a huge impact. I fought my past demons and my over protective mind just to be with him. And the amazing thing is, is he's stuck it out and he's sticking it out and there's only one possible reason why he'd do that, because he loves me, because you finally put someone in my life that loves me. Not all the extra little pluses, not my body, or my lips, but loves me as a real person, on the inside. I know that theres a really strong connection between the two of us and I really do think that he's my soulmate. I just feel it and I feel you in our relationship. I know that the moment I stopped looking, the moment I turned back to you for real and asked for your healing and for you just to hold your daughter, thats when you decided that I deserved someone more. I know this and I feel blessed. I know that it's not easy. I know real love isnt easy. People I think are friends test me all the time and it upsets me. But one of the greatest gifts you've give to Tyler and I as a couple is the gift to work problems out and to stand together and we do just like we should. I think Tyler and I should pray together, real prayer to you. I'm really really glad that your love God is the base of our relationship, I really am because your love is different then conjured up love. Your love is forever. You live in both of us our love is your love. I really do want the world to understand that their judgments arent going to stop us. I want them to know that Tyler and mines relationship singularly is unique and one of a kind. That they can't predict it and that we will not become one of their self fulfilling prophecy's. And news flash I dont want him(my godfather) to try and understand and give advice. He hasnt been there for me. I dont need his approval for anything. He doesnt realize he's hurt anyone. But he's hurt me. See how random this is :( I cant recall being this upset ever. I'm just frustrated in a very large dose. God give my guidance please with a cherry on top and help ease my suffering soul.
Love,
your cerulean daughter,
Sossina
your
Monday, February 21, 2011
virtual candle
http://monasterycandleshop.com/vcandle/vcandle.asp?seta=121&setb=140
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng
http://virtual-candle.org/vc-new-enterdata.php?color=Black&code=
http://thecenterforhealingarts.com/light_virtual_birthday_anniversary_healing_prayer_birth_death_friendship_candle/light_virtual_candle
The listed are places where you can light a virtual candle :D
http://www.gratefulness.org/candles/candles.cfm?l=eng
http://virtual-candle.org/vc-new-enterdata.php?color=Black&code=
http://thecenterforhealingarts.com/light_virtual_birthday_anniversary_healing_prayer_birth_death_friendship_candle/light_virtual_candle
The listed are places where you can light a virtual candle :D
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